My (really bad) poem?

If you're successful they call you fake
If you're struggling, well then it's your mistake

If you work too hard they say slow down
If you take a break they say you'll drown

People; they cheer, they judge, they pick, they choose
No matter what you'll always lose

One day they love you
The next they don't

They hear what they like and twist what they've heard

The "Breaking"

Rosal talks about how breaking can create "dissonance," use "bad angles," and introduce creative disruptions that create new meanings. Here's my attempt at breaking the poem:

If / you're SUCC-ESS-FUL they call you
f a k e
If you're strugg/ling, well 
then it's YOUR mis/take

If you work too hard they say
s  l  o  w    d  o  w  n
If you take a break they say you'll 
                                   d
                                     r
                                       o
                                         w
                                           n

P e o p l e;
they / cheer / they / judge / they / pick / they / choose
No matter what you'll 
                     always
                           l
                            o
                             s
                              e

One day they 
             l
              o
               v
                e
                 you

The next they 
              d
               o
                n
                 '
                  t

They hear what they like &
t w i s t 
what they've 
             h
              e
               a
                r
                 d

I have to admit this looks really goofy. Rosal discusses various techniques, like Etheridge Knight's slash marks (/) as a way to "break the break." The spaces within words (like "s l o w d o w n") mirror Rosal's description of breaking as a way to "detune, fissure, impinge, or twist." However, I feel like my approach just adds unnecessary ambiguity - the words don't need to mean anything beyond their literal meaning. If I had to connect this to one specific point from Rosal's essay, it would be his emphasis on how risk and vulnerability are essential to artistic creation. He states that "A poet is one who...breaks into language, i.e., puts himself at risk" and "An artist breaks only by being vulnerable to his own breaking." He even references John Keats' concept of writing poems we "have no business or talent to write." But at this point, I think leaving too much room for interpretation stretches the message MUCH too far.

The Messy First Draft 💀

but failing means it's your fault anyway
If you work hard you should ___
taking breaks makes you lazy and kills your will
these people watching judging all around
cheering and booing
they lift you one moment and hate you next
hear what ____
my head is spinning....?
why do they get to decide
what's real besides
maybe it's time to just stop
watching waiting for me to drop

Poetry is genuinely impossible